for what...

This vague nameless pain will rip felicity into pieces

i live my life with several faces

my hands tremble,in frustration, when i tie my laces

enervated,i am by all my senseless pursuits and chases.

My first quatrain

The first love will never die
in the silent symphony of life it will always lie
empty promises, unspoken words,clasped hands and smiles so sly.
will nudge the heart to the pang of days gone by.

quatrain by vikram seth

I will be easy company;the blur
Of what i had longed for will fade to space.
No thought that could discomfort you will stir.
My eyes will painlessly survey your face.

hope with reason now laced

attempts to assuage

raw wounds of love,

simple and unfilled

have failed;

i wonder

now and then,how would it be

if,only if!it was you and me.

The few times we met,

i can never forget,

i wish i had never met you,

god and his cruel games!

of love or fondness for you,

i have no claims.

what are you to me?

a friend?

an acquaintance perhaps?

i wish i knew,

these nebulous feelings i have for you!

memories,images from the fleeting moments of togetherness

are now etched forever in me

-your gentle smile,your innocent eyes,your voice-

ah!bliss!

lets meet once,

or twice if you agree!

just the two of us,

that will be enough before you go your way,i promise!

i will notice all the nuances-

the colour of your eyes,the shape of your eyebrows,

the shade of your lips,the tone of your laughter-

It will give me

memories,enough to meander through my life.

what about me you ask?

what will i do ?

well,let me see.

you have asked a tough question,

i should thank god,perhaps.

for the gift of memory,

memory!,

that wonderful talisman,

which binds you to me

god is not so cruel afterall,

my apologies.

fine i broke my specs!

but this time too i did it in style,i sat on them and heard the bitter cry of the delicate frame that held the other pair of my eyes.

"u moron",it shrieked.

I simply got up, looked down and smiled at it .

"Accept people and situations as they are" ,i told and being the satvic spectacles that it is ,it acquiesced.

"Get yourself a new pair quickly ,you semi-blind fellow.Remember i was your spare one! ",it said ,but this time there was a tinge of love.

"Yes!",i said

I was almost a little maudlin at the unexpected loss,because it had served me well,for 7 whole months,before it's soul got squashed under my weight (not that i weigh much).

Also it's departure was the least dramatic when compared to the way i lost all other specs .

Here i should mention that i added an extra pair of eyes in my 6th class,as a consequence of addiction of the need for speed game .Consider for instance, the way i lost my specs in my first year in bits.I was sitting on the bike(driven by senior) ,coming back to the campus ,after doing some work for a dept in panjim.The senior was driving at close to 85 k mph."This is awesome man,so cool",i shouted,feeling like one of the those characters in dhoom(whats the harm in imagining!).

In an act of extreme foolishness i slightly turned my head back ,god knows why.The next thing i knew was that my specs went flying into the air and fell on the road,now a bike at 85 kmph needs time to decelerate and come to an halt.So after walking for five minutes ,i saw my specs.

But alas!as i was crossing the road to get my specs,a speeding tata sumo ran over it,crushing it into pieces.I saw it!That grotesque sight of shattered glass,a slight tint of red (imagined) symbolic of its demise,accentuated by the ugly goan sun.

I thought of running behind the sumo like the hero's we see in movies,but the agony was too much!

anyway ,coming back to the specs i sat on.So,i lost my specs and did not have the time to go to vasco and get a new specs.Also i was wary of getting my specs from a lousy place like goa.From Bangalore i thought.I will get it done in Bangalore.

But in the intermittent period my life was blurred!

I become a vision-erry.

here is how:

i was walking with friend of mine and said

"my god!who is this guy,he is all tall as a tree"

my friend was non-plussed.

"kahan bey?",he said

"abey ,aggey dekh,itna lamba tho hai ",i qupped and pointed my finger at the "outline"

my friend burst out laughing .

It turned out to be tall tree,not a tree-tall person.

Or consider this:

during the pooja for navratri in the aol ashram ,i sat far behind the place where the pooja was taking place .But i made an attempt ,whenever i was not asleep,to see what was happening from the screens put up.

So,i saw, what i thought, was a couple getting married and the girl taking guruji's blessings and i said to an lady sitting next to me

"what a lucky girl!"

The lady gives a puzzled look.

I return the look back.

And i realize nothing as such happened there.

Accept people and situations as they are!

savour it while it lasts
these days of euphoria
when your legs are fit enough to run a mile
and mind fecund enough to endlessly deliberate
savor it while it lasts
these days of euphoria
when things to see and explore are plentiful
and dreams still hold a twinkling promise
savor it while it lasts
these days of euphoria
as some time from now
things are bound to change
your legs will be robbed of it strength
your smile of its sparkle
and your dreams of its passion
savor these days of youth
before life inures you to its pain.
let not your youthful days be vain.